We are all entitled to behave as we want, sometimes the people in our lives may behave in ways we feel pressured in our hearts to change them. We feel that this person would make us happier if they behaved in this or that kind of way. But this in effect is trying to control them or even molding them to be just like us, this is not giving them room to be who God created them to be. If only we were to stand back and learn to accept the people in our lives as they come, then I believe this could be the starting point of many happier relationships. We will begin to be happy with them regardless of whether they behave as we want them to or not.
I personally have been making myself unhappy for a while now trying to control someone in my life, I was allowing their behaviour to dictate my happiness. If they did something, in my opinion was appropriate I was happy with them. However if they chose a different approach I found myself beginning to be unhappy again as yet again I was hoping they did things my way. After I gained awareness into my own madness I realised I was being controlling. I was trying so hard to control another persons behaviour while I was out of control myself. I came to the realisation that my happiness was my choice, I have to make myself happy in every situation and this will never happen until I learned to control my own emotions and not give away my power or try to take away another person’s power. Everyone is entitled to do as they please and not live to please me or anyone. I learned that, I should take the first step in learning how to be in control of my emotions not the other person. What someone chooses to do with their time, life or money should not affect how I feel as it’s their life not mine. This maybe common sense but when you are so close to someone it is very easy to allow their actions to affect you.
“The only person you can control is yourself” unknown
My intention was not to control them, I thought I could help them manage their behaviour/choices and found out that I was in effect allowing their choices to controls how I felt. It is their birthright to decide how they wanted to act and I was the one choosing to be affected. I had to take back my power and allow myself to control my own emotions and choose my responses. In the end when i started controlling myself and stopped paying attention to their behaviour they started to change anyway. I learned that sometimes the only way to get more control is to let go of trying to control everything and control yourself. Control your emotions, people can act anyway they want, it is not up to us to go around trying to straighten other people or try to change them. We can start the process by changing our reaction to their behaviour and hope for the best. If they choose to grow, we grow with them, if they choose to stay where they are then we have the choice to rise above their ways and reach our full potential rather than spending our precious time at their level trying to change them.
© 2016 Shereena Badu